It’s always a bit weird going to work nowadays. I never know where I’m going to end up when I step through the threshold. About 70% of the time I end up at some iconic New York location, the other 30% of the time I’m in a set dressed to be in Paris, Tokyo, or some other exotic location. It’s a bit of a trip, especially when you’re up at the wee small hours of the morning.
Hey, long time no see. I think it’s been what, a month, maybe two? I’m really sorry. I feel like every time I take a hiatus I apologize, but this time it’s not due to writer’s block, it’s just been that I haven’t been able to come up for air in a while. A lot of changes are flooding in right now, and I’m just trying to keep my head above water.
There’s a curse that’s often misattributed to the Chinese that goes, “May you live in interesting times.” I think that aptly captures a bit of what I’m going through right now. My life is in flux and it’s thrilling, but it’s also terrifyingly unstable and the whole thing could topple over like a drunken jenga game. But for the first time in a while, I’m invested in what I’m doing, and I actually care. I think we’ve all had to have woken up at ungodly hours before, but this is the first time doing it where I don’t even complain a little. I know what I’m going for, and what I have to give up to get there.
There’s something stupidly noble about a struggle, especially one against the odds. I think that when you’re trying to make your way in a new industry, every bit of struggle is worth it, and every achievement, no matter how small, feels like a triumph over mediocrity. For some reason, that makes me feel alive. I’ve given up comfort, support of my family, all to bet on myself, and fuck, that’s liberating. Failing, and I mean really failing, wasting my life, is the rock bottom. There’s no safety net here, I’m flying by the seat of my pants, and for the first time in a long time, it feels right. I feel invested in myself, in my life, and I’m present in the moment. I’ll take that for everything it’s worth.
Oh, and so right now I’m contractually obligated to be single (to be explained at a later date), which is god, all sorts of hilarious. I’ve been so busy that it’s been incredibly easy to keep up my end of the contract. But even if I wasn’t, under any other circumstances I’d be distracted by the bevy of beautiful women in my orbit, but now, I can’t believe I’m saying this cliche, but I’m focused on my career right now. And for the first time, I actually mean that, which is fulfilling.
Anyways, I’ve missed you all, and when I get to take a breath again, man, do I have stories. That contract is just the beginning.