“How do you know, poor fool? Perhaps out there, somewhere, someone is sighing for your absence; and with this thought, my soul begins to breathe.”
I love that question, as if there is a magical time to get married. Before we get around and accuse me of being commitment-phobic, I will come out and say that it’s not that. Well, at least it’s not entirely that. To be honest, when I was a kid I always thought that I’d be married by the time I was 30, so I guess it’s not unreasonable that people would ask that.
First off, no, it’s not time. I can say though, it’s funny how seeing a friend’s post on Facebook about getting married and having a kid from being a “happy accident” to something that’s actually planned and expected. And in a lot of ways, I completely understand the sentiment, it comes from a real place, wanting to see someone you care about be happy and find happiness with someone they love.
I get the age part, when you get to your late 20’s and 30’s, that’s about the time when all of that is expected to happen, but I guess that’s part of the trap too. I know a lot of couples, and I’ve honestly learned a lot from observing and being privy to their thoughts in the relationship. Some are great, some are good, some are terrible, just as in all things. But, I steadfastly refuse to start looking to get married because “it’s about time”.
I’ve seen people get married for all sorts of reasons, and that’s all well and good. You all know I can be cynical, and yet hopelessly idealistic when it comes to others. On marriage, I fall decided on the edge of those two things. When you get married, it’s not just about choosing who you love, who you find attractive, or who you long for. It’s about choosing a partner, someone to share your life with. Someone who shares your ideals, who will challenge you when you’re wrong, who’ll push you to be better, and someone to support you when you need it most. More importantly, when things get hard, they’re willing to fight for you. You have to trust them and respect them, and if you have all these things, then how can you not love them and want to spend the rest of your lives together?
That’s what I want. You can’t tell me that because it’s time, I’ll find that. You can’t tell me that I’ll never find that person, that I should find someone ‘good enough’. If I don’t find that, I’m completely fine with never getting married. I made that vow to myself in recent months, and I intend to keep it. I take my vows seriously, and if I find that person, I’ll make a whole new set of vows.
People ask me when I’ll know if I find that girl. I’ll just know. I know that I just made a list, but this isn’t something where you can just check off all the boxes. You have to know in your heart of hearts, that this is the one. I guess this is why I’ve stopped believing in love at first sight. I can tell you that a lot of things can happen at first sight, but it’s not love. A bond like that takes time, and each relationship has it’s own progression.
You could call me a serial dater, and you wouldn’t be wrong. I like meeting new people, I like conversing with beautiful women, and if we can eat great food and have fun at the same time, then all the better for it. I date because I know that she’s out there, somewhere. And even if I meet her, have met her, or will meet her, it’ll take time to get to wherever it is we’re going. I’m getting a little better at the whole patience thing, so I can honestly say that I guess I am maturing. See? Growth.
I guess at the end of it, this is just another affirmation of my belief in the one, a soulmate, and true love. When I find her, settling down will be the last thing on my mind. There will be one grand adventure followed by the next, and all of it, extraordinary or mundane, will be made grand because of her. And if I don’t find her, I think I’ll be okay. I’m not saying that it won’t be hard, but I think I’d still be able to lead a meaningful and fulfilling life. But if I find her, and we choose get hitched, it will be because I know in my head, my heart, with all of me, that she’s the one I want to discover the rest of my life with. I won’t stray, I won’t wonder if I settled, I won’t entertain the thought of something better being out there. Because, if I ever find the right girl, and the right time comes around, there won’t be a shadow of a doubt.
And that’s when I’ll know it’s time to get married.
Not one second sooner.