And I told you to be patient
And I told you to be fine
And I told you to be balanced
And I told you to be kind
And in the morning I’ll be with you
But it will be a different kind
I was out at a concert a while ago on a date, and the most peculiar thing happened. Literally two rows away, I saw a friend of mine out with a woman. The woman however, wasn’t his wife. I didn’t say anything, I didn’t even say hi. I didn’t really know what to think, and I honestly didn’t really care. There are dozens of reasons why a married man could take another woman to a concert at Lincoln Center. None of which were super-plausible to me, but to each their own. Then last Saturday he came clean to me about cheating on his wife.
His claim was that all men are terrible, and that he’s blessed with a wife who deals with him and all his shit. I’m no saint, anyone that reads this blog knows, but that statement made me so fucking frustrated. No one’s perfect, and we all have our failings, therefore, I try not to judge people. When people make a mistake, you help them back up, it’s that simple. But there’s something about infidelity that I just can’t fathom.
Maybe it’s because I’ve been single for nearly all of my adult life, but that whole “all men do it” is a load of horseshit. No one forced you to get married, no one forced you to be in a relationship. If you somehow felt pressured into it and you went along, well, that’s your fault. It’s 3 am and I can’t fall asleep. At the end of every day, I just want to have someone to talk to, someone that genuinely cares how the day was, and someone to share the fleeting moments of banality that make up true intimacy. I don’t understand how someone can give that up. I don’t know what it is, maybe the relationships change, maybe you’re weak, maybe you were never committed to the first place, but don’t give me that stupid reason that, “all men do it.” All men don’t, don’t blame your personal weakness on any one other than yourself.
I just can’t see myself ever going there. If something’s over, it’s over. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. Believe me, I’ll be the first person to tell you that I have little to no self-control, but the one thing I do know is that I will never put the feelings of someone I love after my own. I would at least have the decency to end things. However cruel it would be at that moment, it would be of infinite consolation as opposed to eroding the idea of trust in someone. I think any relationship needs love and trust, and once you take that feeling of safety in the trust that you invest in others, you take away someone’s ability to have a real connection. That’s the poison that lasts, and that’s the fear that grows once you’ve been cheated on. I might be an asshole in some regards, but I will never understand how someone could do that to someone that they love, or even used to love.
William Blake once wrote,
“A truth that’s told with bad intent, beats all the lies you can invent.”
Truer words have never been spoken.