In my spare time, I volunteer and coach high school girls. I would tell you that they’re catty and bitchy, as portrayed in numerous stereotypes, but that would be a complete lie. They are precocious to the extreme, but also the sweetest and some of the most genuinely good people that I’ve ever met. Being a mentor to these girls has honestly been a life-changing experience. It matured me in a million ways, and it’s connected me to a family of strong, independent, and amazing young women.
I help with a summer program, and every year my parents host a barbecue for the girls at their house. It’s a pretty big gathering, and while the parents and other adults (yes, I still don’t consider myself an adult in my childhood home) eat, I’m kind of in charge of keeping the girls amused and making sure that they don’t somehow tear the house down. I know I said before that they’re amazing, but the multiplicative nature of the chaos that the girls can generate is pretty astounding.
I will say though, some stereotypes about high school girls are true. After they get to know you and determine that you’re cool to hang out with, they want to know everything about you, most importantly your lovelife. The question, “Who’s that girl on your Instagram?” has been asked more times than I can imagine. And honestly, I’m pretty upfront with them. When I say that “It’s just a friend.” it almost always is. I mean, not that they really believe me, but still, the truth is the truth.
In a moment of somewhat suspect decision making over the weekend, I let the girls play with my Bumble account. It was actually pretty amazing, for about 15 whole minutes they were silent and simply rapt in attention. They were genuinely evaluating the compatibility of these women to me, and swiping accordingly….or so they thought.
Apparently, they had no idea that swiping right meant YES and swiping left meant NO. They had gotten the two mixed up. When I told them this, one of the girls lamented,
“NOOOO, THERE WAS A GIRL WHO HAD A PICTURE ON THE IRON THRONE!!! DAMMIT, YOU’RE GONNA MATCH WITH ALL THE HOS!!!!!!
Well, you gotta say, at least they know my type. Following that, they started grilling me about my friend Kat, because apparently since she’s populated my Instagram feed, they’ve stalked her a little and have decided that we should be together because we look super cute in our pictures. To be fair, we do look really cute together, but if that was the only criteria for a relationship, our nation’s divorce rate would’ve greatly fallen with the advent of Instagram filters.
Seeing that Kat is one of my best friends, I decided to let the girls text her. And of course, Kat being Kat, she texts back,
“Haha we’re going to get engaged soon tho.”
After the initial kerfuffle over that false statement, the girls had a chat with her and determined that I needed a best female friend. However, they just pressed me more about whether Kat had any friends. It never ends.
But who knows, maybe I’ll end up with one of the ho’s that the girls matched me with on Bumble. I’ll just make sure to keep them off of Instagram.