The biggest lie that I tell people is, “I haven’t met anyone that I want to be with.” That is completely and utterly false. I say it because it’s easy, and it’s an acceptable response to the age old question asked by friends and family I haven’t seen in a while. That’s my excuse for why I’m perpetually single.
I mean, come on. I’m a single guy and of course I meet women. To say that all of them are not people that I want to date is not only insulting, but a statistical impossibility. I’ve met plenty of women who are entirely captivating, but the fact of the matter is that meeting them is only one tiny part of the equation.
Frankly, I find a lot of women attractive. Some guys focus on just one aspect, but for me, it’s about any number of things; the jokes she makes, the way she moves to the beat of her favorite song at the bar, and on and on it goes. Obviously, the next piece of the puzzle is if she also finds you attractive. That is always a crapshoot, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. The only thing that I can do is be my neurotic and charming self and hope for the best. I’ve made my peace with that a long time ago, some women will find you attractive, some won’t, and at the end of the day, there’s not much you can do in that regard.
Now, you’d think once that is out of the way, everything else is easy. Theoretically, that’s true, but that’s not the end of it. Then it all comes down to timing. I can’t tell you how many times I found out after the fact that some girl had feelings for me, or in retrospect she would’ve been perfect for me, or she’s dating someone, and the list goes on and on. And people lament, people whine, people think that somehow this is some great ironic consequence that the universe has placed upon them, but it’s not. It’s just life.
The worst kinds of people are those who try to change other people’s circumstances to suit their own. They’re the ones who try to break people up, to insert themselves forcefully in someone’s life. That’s unconscionable. When I was much younger, I always imagined doing that sort of thing, and it somehow working out, but when you grow up you realize that imposing yourself on someone is never the right thing to do. The right thing to do, and the only thing you can do, is to make yourself as ready as possible for the right girl comes along, so you can make it the right time.
And I can’t tell you how frustrating it is, just waiting and waiting, thinking about what could have been and what could be. At the end of the day, all I know is that I’m trying to be as patient as my impetuous nature will allow, and yet trying to be who I need to be, as fast as I can.
That sounds about right.