First dates at this point for me are a dime a dozen. You talk to someone, decide with a 95% chance that they aren’t crazy, and then you meet up. There are the formalities, like where to go, what to order, what to wear, but at the end of the date, you go back and just think, do I want to see this person again? For the longest time either way, it’s been lukewarm, a tepid yes, or a tepid no. And that’s what I thought it should be.
Then Friday happened.
I meet up with this girl, and right off the bat she’s different. First, she looks way better in real life than she does in her pictures, already a rarity. After that, she was just confident, self-assured, and we completely clicked. This girl could jump back and forth from talking about Chopin to Coltrane (we met up at a jazz club) while ruminating on cognitive theory. Incredible. There we were, alone in the back of some bar talking, and before I knew it hours had flown by.
For me, on a first date, I always have a second location in mind. After dinner, drinks, or whatever, I always have someplace else we can go, and it’s a great tactic first, to see if a girl is interested. It gives her an easy out, or if she says yes, it’s usually a great sign that there will be date two. At this point on the date Friday, I had completely forgotten about where to go next, because I was just there in the moment. You know, until she brought it up, to go someplace where we could hear each other talk. Then we just wandered till we found a place that we could, we stayed there for a little bit, and then we got late night pizza. Four and a half hours went by in a flash. That’s never happened to me before. And it was great, it was revelatory. She messages me right after we say good-bye saying she had a great time. I was on cloud nine over the weekend.
And then on Monday she tells me that she had a great time, but she met someone else over the weekend, that she liked even more, and that she wanted to try to see him exclusively for a while.
The first thing I want to say is that we were both upfront and honest about things, which is obviously the best way to go about things, and definitely for sure in the beginning. The logical part of my brain appreciates her blunt honesty, and realizes that she owed me nothing. We had a great time, and that was that. The emotional side of my head is half in despair, and half just blasting two middle fingers straight into the sky. For the last few weeks, I’ve gotten used to feeling various amounts of nothing during dates, trying to manufacture any sort of interest. And then this girl comes out of nowhere and knocks me the fuck out of that rut.
I see the light at the end of the tunnel for all of 48 hours. And then the universe taketh away.
Dating is a zero sum game. You get a girl, she’s off the market. Some guy wins, another one loses. That’s fine, and it’s easy to play when you have no skin in the game. The lesson learned is that I have to be better. So thank you I guess, for reminding me about that reality. Good luck…ah fuck it. No, I don’t wish you luck. I hope that guy cocks it up. Cocks it up real bad, and then you text me, saying how we should go out again.
And then I wish I could tell all of you that I’d just say ‘no’ out of spite, to prove a point. But I couldn’t really tell you, because I can’t remember the last time I went home thinking about a girl the way I thought about her. For 48 hours I was off in dreamland, but now I’m back. Back to reality.
Fucking first dates, even when they’re great, they’re terrible.