So, I saw that you got engaged a few weeks ago. Congratulations, and I really mean that. It’s funny, at our age I guess getting engaged is something that’s typical now. Somewhere along the way, you realize that the engagement announcements on Facebook aren’t from just your crazy friends, but somehow it’s become a thing that happened. You and your fiance look incredibly happy, and of course, you’re still stunning.
You know me, and you know how much I can be neurotic about certain things. I’ve obviously dated girls after you, but you’ve never been totally forgotten. I’ve dated girls prettier than you, funnier than you, but none kinder or more intelligent. Maybe it’s because I have rose colored glasses, but that’s how I remember it. I remember how it ended too, because regardless of what I told you, it’s because I thought the grass was greener on the other side.
I sometimes think about what it would be like if I never stopped dating my exes. Even in the playground that is my imagination I know that the result would be the combination of tragedy, comedy, and always ending in some sort of disaster. That’s everyone except you. I mean, I have absolutely zero evidence for this, but when my mind wanders in that direction, I just see possibility of what could have been, instead of an ending.
None of this really matters, because that is obviously never going to happen, nor do I want it to. Imagining what could’ve been kills time and is a way to distract ourselves, but it’s nothing compared to anything real. Facebook is crazy that way, it let’s you peek in on the big moments in someone else’s life, and when you look back in time, you think about the paths not taken. But, seeing you getting engaged, it definitely threw me for a tiny loop. I’ve had other exes get engaged or married, and I didn’t skip a beat, but you’re you. Believe it or not, my parents still ask about you from time to time. They never do that with anyone else.
But anyways, I’m happy for you. The one skill I managed to retain was the ability to tell if your smiles were real or fake, and the way that you two beam when you’re together, it’s amazing. I hope you’re happy for an incredibly long time, and that wish comes from a very real place.
But at the same time, I wonder if that could’ve been me in another life. I wonder not out of jealousy, but just because I always wonder too much about what could’ve been instead of what could be.
I wish I could come up with some grand conclusion, but all I can say is that I’m working on it. But congratulations nonetheless.