I don’t think two people in a relationship can care about each other the exact same amount. I think it’s a nice concept, that two people care about each other equally, but the probability of that just doesn’t seem high. Both people can care about each other an incredible amount, but when you quantify it, one person probably edges out the other.
Of course, I’m putting myself in a bit of a ridiculous predicament in trying to quantify something that is unquantifiable. How in the world do you quantify how much you care about someone? A care unit? A scale from abhor to love? It’s an incredibly stupid exercise, yet we do it unconsciously more often than we think. I can’t really speak to the past, but I can speak from experience that it’s very often that the person who cares less in a romantic relationship possesses the most power in the relationship. It’s pretty simple when it comes down to it; the less you care, the less vulnerable you are, and the less vulnerable you are, the more power you have.
It’s a pretty shitty way to look at things, but that’s the truth. On the other hand though, I think the more invested you are in a relationship, the more you get out of it, just like most things. For some reason, apathy is very much in vogue right now, but I can’t stand it. Sarcasm is a tool to guard yourself from engaging with the world, I use it myself, but when you use it as your filter to the world or a crutch, it makes everything seem like less than it is. For better or worse, I’ve never been afraid of being the one to stick his neck out. I always just felt like that was what was worth it about anything. The risk makes up part of the reward (part of the reason that I love gambling).
I think that is a choice that we can make for ourselves. The usual mode of dating is for the guy to initiate, which is fine. I’m fine putting myself out there, and it’s a choice that I make. I’m willing to be the person that’s a fool, or made vulnerable, but I refuse to put someone in that situation without their knowledge. I think that’s the trap of what a lot of guys my age fall into, dating someone because they don’t want to be lonely or because that’s what they’re supposed to do. Maybe that works for them, maybe that’s a temporary salve but I think everybody knows that it won’t really work out. Or even worse, one person knows that and the other is all-in without their knowledge. That’s just worlds and worlds of hurt lined up.
And maybe you fall into a routine and you get used to the idea of being with that person. But for me, there is an ocean between “getting used to someone” and “wanting to be with someone”, and I want to be on the far side of that.