Hello, I Love You, Won’t You Tell Me Your Name?
When you have the sexual charisma of Jim Morrison, you can do a lot of things. You can front a band like ‘The Doors’. You can go through your life without wearing a shirt. You can proclaim yourself the “King of Orgasmic Rock” and not have any naysayers. Also, you can go up to women and say something like, “Hello, I love you, won’t you tell me your name?” and they’ll just throw themselves at him.
For the rest of us mere mortals, that doesn’t really work for us. It’s nice to believe that somehow, someday, you will run into your soulmate by circumstance, but I think it’s still highly improbable. At the end of the day, we, speaking as a male, will most likely have to approach a girl. I think it’d be fantastic if more women approached men, but in my experience, that just isn’t happening. Approaching women, for me at least, has always been a bit of an uncomfortable proposition. There’s really no clear way to navigate it, and no surefire way to have a solution for it. You have to find the sweet spot between being too passive and being a creep who won’t take no for an answer. I think that anyone who thinks that he has it down to a science is completely full of it, and is most likely near the “being a creep” side of the spectrum. However, sounding a bit hypocritical, I do think that there are a general set of guidelines that you definitely help you out.
Take “No” for an Answer.
Listen, I know that it takes quite a bit of courage to go up to someone and introduce yourself, but no means no. Even if you cajole, put some grand romantic gesture on, no still means no. This isn’t up for debate. If by chance she changes her mind later, that’s on her. Not abiding by this rule makes everyone, and I mean everyone, REALLY uncomfortable. Just, don’t do it.
Be Honest About What You Really Want
Do you want to date her? Do you want to see her naked? Do you want to know what her tattoos mean? Does she remind you of your ex? You want to marry her?! Be honest with yourself. You don’t have to tell her any of these things, but know what you want. What you want determines how you’ll come across. Most men are not very good liars, and certainly not very good actors. Being honest about what you want will inform you on how to approach her and I can guarantee you that your body language will definite be based off of what you really want.
Where Are You?
There’s no telling when or where you’re going to meet somebody, but there are definitely social norms that must be upheld. If a girl is at the gym, think of where you are, and how much she wants to be left alone. She’s there to work out, probably not looking for dates. Same thing if you’re at a bar and it’s last call, no one’s exactly looking for a long term relationship there in the drunken desperate haze. Yes, this might seem counter-intuitive, but sometimes the circumstances are products of the environment, and hey, you know never what can happen after one chance meeting.
Have Some Balls.
Working up the nerve to approach someone, much less than someone that you’re interested in, is a hard thing to do. I was painfully shy as a kid, and in a lot of ways, I still am. I used to find ways to try to be a smartass and make an impression, try to be slick instead of honest, and it really never worked out. Being genuine just became so much easier. You’re not worried about what to do next, or what the next play is. If she says no or the conversation goes no where, so what, now you know. Move on, that’s how life goes. If it does go somewhere, guess what, she into you because she’s interested in the actual you. Not a bad deal.
Questions? Of course you have them. Don’t ask me, I have no fucking clue. “Hello” works most of the time.
Unless you’re the reincarnation of Jim Morrison, lucky bastard.