Fun With Tinder (or Judging Books by Their Covers)
I would say that on the spectrum of good and evil, I lean further toward the Mother Teresa side of the spectrum than the Mussolini end. My sister is even further towards the Mother Teresa side of things. However, a strange phenomenon happens when we spend time with each other; we become terrible people. I think it’s because of the incredible number of inside jokes that we have or that we know each other too well, we tend to lose a certain sense of correctness in conversation.
So anyways, my family and I were down the Jersey Shore this weekend. We always go get some saltwater taffy and after we got it, my parents decided to walk on the Boardwalk some more and my sister and I headed back to the hotel room, obviously gorging ourselves on the aforementioned salt water taffy (the thing with taffy though, is that even if you want to gorge, you really can’t, because it takes forever to eat just one piece). My sister and I are very close, but since we’re both busy this summer, we haven’t had a lot of time to talk to each other. So, we filled each other in, and naturally, she asks about my love life. Hearing that mine is still fairly non-existent, she decided to take it upon herself to set me up. However, midway through this thought, she literally started cackling and grabbed my iPhone. She went into the app store and, knowing my password, got an app called ‘Tinder’ and linked it to my Facebook account.
Now, for those of you that don’t know (I was one of them), Tinder is an app that let’s you “Like” or “Not Like” photos of random people. The app keeps track of this, and if by chance you both “Like” each other’s photos, you will be able to chat with each other through the app. The long and short of it, it’s an app to hook up with people, with a built in rating game. It is a terrible app, it is also an amazing group game to play.
Needless to say, hilarity ensued.
First off, the app shows up to 5 pictures, a tagline, shared Facebook interests, and age. The first picture that showed up said age 18. I immediately went to the settings and raised the minimum age (and lowered the maximum age from 50). From there on, my sister and I pretty much laughed till our cheeks hurt for a solid hour.
Things I Learned About Tinder Impressions:
– If you have a muffintop, my sister and I will both yell the phrase “HARD PASS” as loud as we can.
– If you are taking a selfie using a mirror, you will be immediately passed.
– If you are taking a selfie, you will be immediately passed.
– When there is more than one girl in a picture, it’s never the one that you want it to be.
– There is such a thing as too much cleavage.
– If you are in a wedding dress in your Tinder pic, you will be immediately passed.
– If you are wearing Penn State anything, you will be immediately passed.
– If you and I share an interest in Taylor Swift, you will probably be passed. Only one of us can like Taylor Swift, and I already like Taylor Swift.
– If you and I share an interest in Taylor Swift, Frank Sinatra, Arrested Development, and Disney, that is an immediate “Like”.
– If your tagline is something inspirational, it’s grounds for an immediate pass. It’s Tinder, get off your high horse.
– If your tagline is funny, almost always an immediate “Like”.
– Apparently scarves and flannel shirts really do it for me.
– If you can’t spell or have poor grammar, it’s almost always grounds for a pass.
– Kissy Face = Auto Pass
The list goes on and on, but it was hilarity. I’m also pretty sure this cemented my ticket to hell. But, that’s how the cookie crumbles.
As for what I’ll do in the unlikely event I get a like back?
Probably nothing, I really don’t want to answer the question “How’d you guys meet?” with: