So, Valentine’s Day is over. Well, at least for most of us, I guess there are still people who celebrate this weekend, but all in all, the day is done. Maybe you found new love (or lust), or maybe you’re just discovering more about your significant other. Hopefully you found out good things, but this post is not about that.
I’m going to start this with the assumption that everyone wants the perfect significant other, but has accepted the reality that it’s just a myth pushed on us by Disney and rom-coms.
That doesn’t mean we can’t all live happily ever after, but we know that everyone has their flaws, and a mature relationship means accepting and living with them. That being said, you have to draw the line somewhere.
When is it logical to call something a “dealbreaker”?
Are you a shallow version of Jerry Seinfeld, rejecting women for refusing to taste his apple pie or eating peas one at a time? On the other end of the spectrum, there’s no glory in being Rachel McAdams’ character from Wedding Crashers and dealing with Sack’s (Editor’s Note: Holy jesus, did everyone else also think that his character’s name was ZACK?) insufferable otter stories when Owen Wilson is waiting in the wings.
The sad truth about dealbreakers is that they’re usually only discovered once you’re already in a relationship. Deciding not to get together with someone is one thing, but breaking up with someone already involves so much drama and hysteria in today’s world that we can be more afraid of the consequences of leaving a person than staying with them. To those people I say – have some self-respect. I don’t think there’s any reason to sacrifice your own dignity and values, no matter how petty it may seem to someone else. So she has man hands? You’re the one who has to look at them for the rest of your life. You’re the only judge of what you want. I can’t stand it when someone criticizes me for not having an “open mind” on women (whatever that means) because I can’t be with someone who doesn’t believe we landed on the moon (true story). A relationship means give and take, but we can only take so much.
So in that spirit I’m going to list my top 3 dealbreakers that I only just now came up with.
1. Believing in pseudo-science or conspiracy theories (moon landing, 9/11, astrology, creationism)
2. Hates Frank Sinatra
Call me immature if you want, but if my girlfriend comes home one day looking like this:
Then as the wise Christopher Walken once said, “We’ll sail WITHOUT HIM!”