How To Buy Condoms (or Things They Should’ve Taught You in High School)
At a certain point in your adult life, you’re faced with a stark realization that you’re probably going to have sex. Now, I can only write this from a male perspective, but I can say that 99.99% of the time this is a good thing. I leave the .01% out there for some unforeseen circumstance, but as my RA once so poignantly said, “Sex is like pizza, even when it’s bad, it’s pretty good.”
Now, I’m assuming that the brain still has some control over your prime biological directive and that some sort of family planning or just logic dictates that you don’t want mini-me’s running all over the place, mostly because it would really cut down on your galavanting around time. This means that you need to procure some contraception. This pretty much means that you’ll have to go out in public, and perform one of the most odd deeds in today’s modern society. You’re basically going to announce to a complete stranger, that yes, you, will be intending to have sex.
This frankly, is the shit they need to teach you in high school, these fairly basic social interactions that will pepper your normal adult life, but if you’ve never even considered the notion, will absolutely terrify you.
So, these are my painfully learned rules on how to buy condoms, for the purposes of edification, but mainly for comedic effect..