I was having a conversation with a friend about music and musicians. John Mayer’s new album came up and she said that she didn’t his music anymore. Now, full disclosure, I’m a huge John Mayer fan, and I’m unapologetic about it. I asked her whether the fact that Mayer now has a douchey persona affected her judgment. She said no, saying that she can separate the music and the artist, using her still appreciating Chris Brown’s output. After smacking my head against solid objects for a little while, I claimed that an artist and his/her music are inseparable. There is a certain logic to that, and I vehemently believe in it, but that’s for another entry. I then tried to defend Mayer (which is irrational, because who the fuck cares, it’s just my opinion and it’s just hers, we’re both right) by saying that if you put a microscope onto everyone’s lives, I’m sure they would seem pretty douchey.
Her response (I paraphrase):
“Yeah, you have been pretty douchey this year.”
Now, people say that you shouldn’t care what people think. That’s a load of horseshit. You shouldn’t care about what most people think, because, who cares. But you should care about what the people that you care about think. What they think matters very much. Now unfortunately the girl in question is someone I actually care about and respect. So that got me thinking—
Going back to elementary school through now, I remember being young and being thought of as a very nice kid. That was reputation. Now, I enjoyed that, but it also took some restraint, and sometimes it kept me from doing the things that I want to do, and giving up things I thought I deserved. I was this way through high school, but then things started to change. I started to be more conscious of what I want, and hell, I became a bit more selfish. I don’t particularly regret it either, because I don’t think that’s consumed my life. I still believe in doing good, in fighting tooth and nail for the people that I love and the things I believe in, but I’m not going to be afraid to get what’s mine either. Does that make me a douche? Probably a bit, probably more than a bit.
Call me what you want, because it’s probably true, and that makes it hurt more, but if that’s the price I pay for living the life that I want?
So be it.