Recently being admitted to grad school, I was flogged through a bunch of socials, orientation events, and a variety of other icebreakers where I’m supposed to meet my fellow classmates and get to know them. Forced social interaction is just one of those things that I loathe. Thankfully, life and acting classes has allowed me to appear pleasant enough to go through just enough of the social graces to prevent me from being an outcast. Yay society.
However, while I’m being flogged through said social events, my mind starts to wander and assessing random thoughts and ideas. While being introduced to Whoeverthe Hellyouare who graduated from Idontcareatall University, you start realizing a few certain things. This is why I can confidently say that within 5 minutes in a social situation, I can tell whether you’re single or not.
5 minutes, or 300 seconds, really isn’t a lot of time. So first thing, is that you have to pay attention. Actually listen, actually observe. By the way, this whole thing is for girls. I really have little incentive to figure out a way to see if guys are single. Tip for the girls, we will never ever tell you if we’re single or not unless you ask us, point blank. We always seem single. It’s just the way.
First, look to see if she’s wearing an engagement ring or a wedding ring. This is just basic. That should take like 2 seconds. A really easy way to assess this is to just noticing it when she shakes your hand. Easy.
Second, actually pay attention to what she says. A lot of times, the girl in question will use phrases like, “My boyfriend and I did…”. This will be used a lot especially when you’re in a group with other girls. Having a boyfriend is value demonstrating. It makes them feel better that they have a partner while others don’t. Don’t get caught up going gaga over a cute girl you just met. Pay fucking attention. Not only will it give you valuable information, but girls actually find it attractive when you pay attention to what they say.
Third, listen for the word “we”. Unless she’s royalty, no one uses that word without a preface unless they mean them and their significant other. What I mean is that, unless she’s talking about another specific group before she uses “we” (i.e. her family, her church group), she’s using “we” in the couple’s sense.
Fourth, listen to how much she talks about herself. While this isn’t an indicator in itself, (some girls just love to wax poetic about themselves), it’s when they light up. Listen to the group conversation, pay attention to the subjects at hand. Coupley things, well, duh. It’s really pretty easy, but it’s pretty easy also to not actually listen to whats going on.
Fifth, and lastly, watch their cellphones. When they get a text, look at their face. If they light up, smile, take a particularly long time to answer it. Game. Set. Match.
5 Minutes to answer one easy question.
Piece of Cake.